Choosing Your Bridesmaids; Who’s In and Who’s Out | #WeddingChatter

Happy new week to you all and happy new travel week to me! I have finally found my excitement towards my trip in 4 days and it is with that excitement I am bringing you the fun recap of last Friday’s #WeddingChatter tweet chat. “Choosing your bridesmaids” is a topic I have covered on this blog before but we definitely went a lot deeper in the chat.

Here are the major points we covered;

Making the Choice

When thinking of who to include in a bridal party, a bride should avoid being careless with this decision; wedding planning process can be stressful enough to carelessly add people that could make it worse. In most cases, a bride would either from her Immediate family, Friends, In-laws or a mixture of all. When a bride asks her groom’s family member to be on her train, it is not only is it a nice gesture to the groom and his family but it can definitely help foster a better in-law relationship (which we know can be difficult sometimes).

When choosing bridesmaids, these 3 pointers should be kept in mind;

1. Choosing people who love and support the wedding/marriage: If a person is not in support of the marriage, there is certainly no question about it; she should not be a bridesmaid! Due to the possibility of having close interaction with the bride and her groom, having to deal with such negativity during planning might not only be draining to the bride but could also cause issues/conflict between the bride and the groom. Regardless of who this potential bridesmaid is, this is one issue that should not be overlooked.

2. Choosing people who the bride is comfortable with: Being comfortable here means being free to be who you are. With wedding planning, there would most likely be very personal and intimate situations, if a bride is not comfortable with talking about it to a potential bridesmaid, then it may be best if such a person is left out from the list. Not to say that a potential bridesmaid has to agree with every single thing the bride says (after all family and friends disagree), but once a bride starts feeling like she has to censor omit some details about her wedding because she is not sure how a such a person would react, then it may be time to decide “No” to such a person being a bridesmaid.

3. Counting the Costs: Having bridesmaids can add to the expenses of a wedding, so a bride should count the costs (and planning logistics) before making her decision about the number of bridesmaids she can have. It is always better to get the number right from the get go than later having to drop bridesmaids because a bride realizes she cant afford that many on her train. Because of this, many people opt for a smaller wedding party and find other less expensive/complicated ways of including families and friends in the wedding.

Choosing Your Bridesmaids - Who’s In and Who’s Out

Handling Rejection

There are those situations when a potential bridesmaid may have to turn down the invitation to be in the bridal party. It may feel hurtful at first but a bride should always try to listen, understand and accept their decision. Being a bridesmaid could be a source of pressure for some people – financial – or it may just be bad timing, brides should never just “assume” it is done with bad intentions.

Remember, a declined invitation by a potential bridesmaid is always better than having to deal with an unsupportive bridesmaid.

Is it time to Kick her out?

There are many cases where brides have to kick bridesmaids off the list, we all hear these stories; it could be as a result of conflicts or lack of help/support during the wedding planning process. Whatever the reason is, a bride should try hard to resolve it by honest communication before resorting to kicking anyone out. If for some reason the conflict seems impossible to be resolved or the bridesmaid is becoming too difficult to handle then that awkward conversation might be needed.

However, a bride should always do this with grace and a clear head; have this conversation not in the heat of the moment but after having much time to re-think the whole situation. Even after asking such bridesmaid to step down and possible hurt feelings, a bride could leave room to repair the relationship by offering the said bridesmaid an invitation as a guest to the wedding or assigning her some other task that may be more suitable for her.

Getting the Bridesmaids acquainted

Due to the different categories from which a bride can choose her bridesmaids, there is usually a possibility some may have never met before so it is advisable that the bridesmaids get acquainted before the wedding. If all the bridesmaids happen to be in the same area/location, a bride can organize hang outs (invitation stuffing night, asking parties or other pre-wedding events) which involve activities where the bridesmaids get to interact.

For those bridesmaids that are not in the same location, technology could play a huge role in getting the ladies acquainted. Having group chats, Facebook group discussions, Skype sessions are many of the ways to help foster a better relationship between the bridesmaids so they all feel somewhat feel comfortable with each other at the wedding.

Other ways to include Family/friends 

For various reasons, some close family/friends may not make the bridesmaids list but the bride may still want them included in the wedding.  A very common and effective option would be to put them “in charge” of some aspect of the wedding/planning. Here are a few tasks you could have them handle in such situation;

  • Ushers/Hostesses
  • Ceremony Reading
  • Playing an instrument
  • Singing or reading a poem
  • DIY project assistance

* * * * * *

With my trip coming up on Thursday, #WeddingChatter would be on hold this week and we would pick it up the upper week once I am settled with the time difference and jet lag:) Hope you join us then on June 20th 2014!

About The Author

Wedding Blog Editor & Consultant

Gee || Jesus Lover || Wedding Blog Editor- KnotsVilla (Blog for theme-ful, Prop-ful, Color-ful & Culture-ful Weddings || Wedding Planning? I'd be the best e-friend you ever had!

10 Responses

  1. Monale A. (@VersatileNaija)

    Gee, you did a good job of capturing all the ideas from the chat. Your website is sha forcing me to use disqus. SMH…lol

    • Gee | KnotsVilla

      Hahahha! thanks for your comment and for joining the chat too! I have been a Disqus lover for a very long time now, I honestly cant imagine using any other commenting system.

      • Monale A.

        Upon everything sef, e no gree show my face (@VersatileNaija). Anyways, i nor vex. It feels like one more account i have to manage.

  2. The Perfect Palette

    Awesome post, great tips! Wish I would have listened to my gut on a couple of my choices. You live and learn!

  3. Robin Miller

    Such a great post! I completely agree and am so glad you brought up “Choosing people who love and support the wedding/marriage.” It can seem like such a ‘DUH’ but it I almost fell in that rut (and I think I’m a pretty smart cookie). 😉


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